..If we allow God to lead us, our feelings may not align with that lead. The inspired Word of God, and not our feelings, must fuel our passion for issues in our lives and of this world...
A mother's journey through a child's addiction.
I am a strong woman, I was stronger than ever in a trance like state, but I couldn't bare the weakness and fear any longer.
I was only confident in one thing- that from that point on I would try. I would choose to try to live.
Steady proof I’ve Come so far. After the pain, the suffering, the healing, I Remain. I endure. I survive. Scarred. ..and whether seen or unseen. They are here. Whether visible or hidden Whether carved on skin or carved in mind. They’ve left me changed, Changed internal, Changed in life. The memory of their preceding pain, …
...One way to get a break is to skip the need to fulfill some I can do all things in the kitchen through He who gives me strength mentality. Cooking is not a strength of mine. I am fine with this...
I am sitting peaceful in the calm seas for now, but I remain wrestling in this- I feel nothing. It is a different emptiness. This is not hopelessness, it is hopeful healing, sitting stagnant.
..God reached in when I wouldn't move and yanked me off His throne. When I missed the subtle hint of move, he may have shouted, "You better get yourself out of my chair, child!"
Where was the good in abuse for over a decade as a child? Where was the good in watching my fiancée collapse from a cerebral hematoma and wake up out of a coma weeks later as though he was seven years old again? What was good about having bipolar disorder? I could keep going, but you get what I am saying. What was good about any of it? NOTHING!
Whatever I may be feeling, or not feeling at this point, is understandable. I give myself permission to sit in the cold of my soul, and pout. I offer myself time to heal, and to find the cinder still burning deep down.